Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize