Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
high people should be assigned attendants
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
