walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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