I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
