Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
he high fived his dick after we had sex
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
