Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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