I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize