She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
