Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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