Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
