I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
no more duck duck goose at the bar
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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