and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
