I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize