We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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