I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
