It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
