I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
