I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
