i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
soo... how was my night?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
