If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He did a backflip because drugs
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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