and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize