I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
