Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize