Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
