dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
