Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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