LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
