who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
