I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
