i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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