Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
