the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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