I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
