Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
