So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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