Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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