Those balls look pretty dangerous.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
