I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
