Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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