It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
