he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
