The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
