oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
