I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
