i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
