We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
