Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Who died my cat blue again?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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