well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
