Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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