When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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