Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
