McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
