yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize