i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
