um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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