you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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