I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
