She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
