My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
never play flip cup with pint glasses
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
