Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
