I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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