Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I lost the right to judge tonight
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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