Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
