Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
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