lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
