I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
