Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
