You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
