Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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