i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
