I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Houston, we have a squirter
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
