Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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