My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
