FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
where am i from again
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize