Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
