Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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