There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
it's great music for shaving your balls
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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