If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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