You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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