god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you traded sex for a burrito?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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