Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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