Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize