I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
