Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
