You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
