12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
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