He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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