you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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