Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
