Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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