You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I faked an abortion last night.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
