glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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