You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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