you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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