3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
