Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
