I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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