She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
