My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
