You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize