So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
