soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
